Halo 5
.]] 'Halo 5: Transformers' is the sequel to ''Halo 4, it is the second game in the Human (Reclaimer) Trilogy. Story 3 years after the events of Halo 4, it is the year 2560 and the UNSC's Spartan program has come to a stop. The de-comission of the Master Chief (John-117) has resulted in the desperate need to find another top trained Spartan to replace the once great badass. Cortana's rampancy at the end of Halo 4 sparked something in Chief that had never happened before, and so we all thought it was the end. But no, this was only the beginning of another chapter! The Master Chief has been spotted on the outskirts of the universe, on the planet knows as Sheensk. He is in possession of his armor, and is un-armed. UNSC forces and Arbmeister's crew are on pursuit of Spartan 117, and plan to aprehend and take the Chief into custody. Chief is grieving over the loss of his artificial love, frustratingly masturbating. Gameplay. I WENT TO A SPECIAL PREVIEW A HOBO CALLED ME INTO AND HE SHOWED ME LOTS OF THINGS, NONE OF THEM HALO 5. Gameplay is expected to be fully Kinect-implemented and required, as the controller's only use will be in minigames wherein the player is expected to shove it up his/her ass. You move by doing a backflip, fire your weapon by making a little pistol with your thumb and forefinger and yelling "BANG," and reload by performing the Hakka. The entire HUD as well as graphics have been removed in order to make the game more challenging. Players will have to just listen for the sounds of progress and shoot in the direction where it sounds like fire is coming from. You know you've beaten the level when graphic noises of victory sex explodes through the television speakers. Also coming new to Halo 5, you have the option of going through the entire campaign as a Warthog wheel. Finishing levels requires the use of running over enemies and skid-marking them to hell and back, but the endgame rewards for this mode are said to bring tears to the eyes of satan himself. Xbox Reveal The Xbox reveal, the stage was set, we were about to see Halo 5 announced, and the 343 Industries head came on and the crowd was screaming in it's seat. She came up and said "I'm thrilled to announce... A LIVE ACTION HALO TV SERIES!" And throughout the country people began to say "Oh fuck you bitch" and then Steven Spielberg couldn't even show up. He said he played pong once so he had expirience in video games. And the livestream lost about 100,000 viewers. And the Earth lost a hundred thousand people, as they all commited mass suicide. Gamers' Reactions *Halo 5! OH MY GAAAWD! *up at 08:00 HAY... LOW... FIIIIIVE! *Halo 5: Guardians!? What the fuck kind of title is that!? *More like Halo Episode V: Target Fixed on Locke. *That ODST from that Halo ODLC. He is back. He is now a Wartron soldier! HOLY SHIT! *GO GO SPARTAN SOLDIERS! *One character looks like that bimbo from Metroid. *Teh Ecksbawks Whun. Stupid name, but, impressive technology. It's some Microcomputer Software. *Eric Cartman cannot wait to play. *Kenny McCormick is too poor for an Xbox. *"NO! The Sticky Dee is gone!" - Random Halo 4 player *"I'm waiting for Halo Wars 2!" - Random Halo Wars player *"Looks like I hit the jackpot. Oh, this is just too good!" - Buddy Pine *"I REALLY hope that the Flood will return." - No one ever. *"WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT DYLAN WAS GOING TO BE IN THE GAME oh whatever." -tommy4trains *??????? *Profit! Category:Games Category:Epic Shit